


Night

by Relikt



Category: Great Gatsby - F. Scott Fitzgerald
Genre: Happy Ending, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-16
Updated: 2019-06-16
Packaged: 2020-05-12 14:52:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,164
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19231357
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Relikt/pseuds/Relikt
Summary: Nick just wanted Jay to be happy.A night of surprises it seemed.





	Night

**Author's Note:**

> I still love this pair after all these years.  
> Please enjoy.

Tossed and turned. I shifted and shifted. Sometimes I remained stilled, breathed softly and looked onto the faded wallpaper of my small room. What a restless night… the residue heat of summer days seemed unbearable, even though it was accompanied by the night’s gentle wind. The sweat casted on my skin kept clinging to the shirt, made it even more uncomfortable. The pale light of the moon passed through the window and lit the room, quietly and silently. Time seemed to stop moving in its infinite path. In this stagnant space, the thoughts were a jumble mess. I couldn’t concentrate, my mind drifted away, and all over. I blinked and sighed, felt the dryness scratching my throat.  With a passing need of something to soothe the sluggishness, I slowly lifted myself up and decided to head into the kitchen. Pouring myself a glass of water, I stood near the big window in the living room that looked over the coast. I sipped, swallowed and had a moment of appreciation of the water, of the coolness that was easing my burning heart.  

 

Some said the peak of summer was here, it would burn more and more, until there was nothing left. And I was glad, the small cottage of mine was hidden behind the trees, away from that rising heat, but it was still hot, to the decree I couldn’t stand. I watched the scenery beyond my porch, to search for the chilly touch of the wind. And here it was, over the lines of trees, on the weary wooden dock, a silhouette of someone stood there. It was probably Jay. Sweet and enthusiastic Jay. He still looked at that curse green light across the bay, and hoped, and waited, for his beloved to come, to fall into his arms and to have a declaration of love. ‘One day, he could kill himself like this, of desperation and waiting in vain’, a thought that I kept to myself. ’Should I pity him, or admire him for his obsession with love?’. Jay was a friend, a friend that I wanted him to have the best impression of me in his mind. I didn’t want to risk this fragile relationship, of confessing my fondness of him. It ached and hurt, this heart of mine, because of this unreciprocated love. I desired him, he desired her. Vain and hopeless, for both of us… But I only wanted him to be happy, even it was hopeless and vain. He needed a friend, someone close, to consult, to lean on, and I hoped I could do that for him. 

 

With a determination, I quickly donned a simple shirt and pants, I stepped through the threshold of my home and headed to the dock. The small pebbles crunched under my feet, the rustle of the leaves under the wind’s caress and the distant splashes of the waves made it so tranquil. How long had he stood there, under this beautiful starry night, days after days, and ignored all of this beauty of nature? Being under the glamour of Daisy, he lost all of his reasons. How could she have so much power over him? How could she playfully control his emotions? Even though Daisy’s love for Jay could be real in the past, even though she already had a family, this was plainly cruel of her for toying with his love. Jay looked so broken and lonely standing there. I was afraid if I took my eyes away, he would be up and disappear, fell through the waves and vanished. I steadied my breath and slipped behind him silently, a couple of steps back. He noticed my presence but remaining quiet. It wouldn’t get us nowhere if we stayed like this. I mustered the courage to speak up, to erase this irritating silence, to break his harden shell of solitude. 

 

“Hey, Jay”. A simple greeting would do just fine, the start of all conversations and relationships. 

He didn’t say anything for a few seconds. “Hello, old sport. What brings you here in the dead of night?”. 

 

‘Dead? Just look at yourself, you can be the image of it right now’. A bit of satisfaction rushed through my body, and I had never felt so ashamed of mocking him in my head. 

 

“ I couldn’t sleep, so I decided to go for a walk. I happened to see you out here,”, ’and god forbid, I thought you would drop dead in the bottom of the ocean’, ”and wanted to talk to you. I hope you don’t mind?”. 

 

“Of course, I wouldn’t mind,”. Such a terrible liar, despite being the man of many shady identity rumors. He wanted to be alone, bone-deep in his fantasy and yearning, and stood there, until a shred of daylight pierced the starry sky, “what do you want to talk about?”. 

 

Blunt and straight-forward, a great person as he was, he left me no time to think of a topic. I wanted to get him off of things, especially her, and how idiotic I made myself to be without an outline of a proper conversation. 

 

“...It’s about Daisy.” Honesty could kill a man. That man would be me. Of all the things I should have asked... 

 

“Daisy?” 

No heading back. “Yes, I want to ask, what do you think of her?”. 

 

“A lovely woman of charm and charisma.” ...The silent dragged on. ‘Was he waiting for me to respond?’. 

 

“...That’s it?”. How strange it was. Then, he would talk about her nonstop, ask me for favors of holding a meeting with her a week ago. And now, it was a simple line of describing someone, who was a stranger. A label of personality and identification pasted on others you met once and it was over in a heartbeat. 

 

“Yes, that is all I can think of. Say, I need a drink, and if you don’t mind, can you keep me company?” 

 

“...,”. A few seconds of hesitation took over me. ‘What’s with him tonight? He’s so... casual,... and nonchalant about her.’. “sure, that would be great.”.  

 

“Thank you, old sport. We should head back in, it’s getting chilly. You seemed underdressed. It must be cold for you?”  

 

“Oh no, I find it rather hot. The summer heat is definitely getting to me.” Here he was again, the  sensitive consideration of him always kept ones on the toes of surprise and feeling in love. What a flirtatious fellow! ‘No wonder I’m slowly falling for him.’’ 

 

“Then some wine will do you just fine, old sport. Let’s get you a glass.” 

 

We slowly walked through the courtyard of his estate. Looking from behind, his back was straight and relaxed. He was free of burdens, the impression of his back made. But still, there was something heavy in his mind, and I would wait, until he could tell me personally. We kept our words to ourselves. Both of us were deep in thoughts, preparing to voice the witty answers to his, or our problems. I didn’t realize we had already passed the grand door. With each passing step, each passing moment, I kept glancing side to side, sometimes at the pictures hanging along the hallways, sometimes at the vases of pastel flowers in the corners, out of my nervousness. It was a strange and restless night, and I was in need of a distraction. 

 

“You really love Daisy, don’t you?”. 

 

“...”. Another hesitation. Another silence. Where was the declaration of devotion of his? He could keep up with his obsession all those years, do all selflessness things, cut up his flesh, chop up his soul, into pieces, just for her. And now, … 

 

“Isn’t it a wonderful night, old sport?”. Breaking my trance of reverie, that was another confirmation of my doubt. Throw the ball to one direction and he ran away with all his might to the opposite. Many tricks were up his sleeves..., but it was a bad execution. 

 

“...I suppose it is. The light across the bay is a bit distracting though, it keeps flaring at me. Hard for stargazing, isn’t it?”. A little bait wouldn’t hurt. 

 

“Yes, Nick. I wish it wasn’t there.” 

 

That took me surprised. Our conversation died down along with this sudden revelation. Be a friend with someone long enough and you could understand some of his rules and habits. One of them was how he always said my name when he wanted to end a conversation he didn’t want to talk about. Putting that aside, ‘wish it wasn’t there.’? He craved that light, like a mayfly, readied to go to be burned and perished. The light was a symbol. It stood as Daisy, it stood for hope, it stood along his dream. He spent part of his life to build an empire for her, even got himself into the dark side of business, to get the fund, the fuel to construct his holy grail. Without its light, he would lose his ambition. What was with the change of mind? 

 

When we settled at the couch in his office, he shuffled out of the room and left me some time for myself. I looked around curiously. There was not much change, stacks of files and papers were organized neatly on the table. Some books laid here and there, signaled various stories he had skipped through. I loved those parts about him, clean and intelligent, a charming and fascinating person to chat with. A man of stories and tales.  

I remembered the day he told me about the crucial fragments of his past, the most mysterious part of him. It was a cloudy day, suitable for hanging out because of its stale and lazy atmosphere. We sat at the patio facing the pool and enjoyed the gentle wind of late afternoon. Hot coffee was long forgotten on the table. Jay was indulged in the stories of his past. He seemed excited when he told me about them. The thrill made it hard for him to sit still, so he decided to drag me along to the dock. We looked at the bay, where the boat rocked back and forth with the waves. Along with each wave, a part of the story was revealed until it was finished.  

I was glad he told me about his past. I felt like a close friend, someone he could trust in enough to tell his secrets. Born of a farmer, treated as a penniless poor. The day he met Daisy, the day he had his dream because of love. He sought to change, to be rich and powerful, one with a noble status who walked on the dark road of solitude, even though it costed him his righteous moral.  He had been alone for a long time, without his family, without someone close. A pitiful person, craving love and affection, chasing blindly for happiness. 

 

“Here, old sport. A glass for you.” Losing in my thoughts, I hadn’t notice his presence. Mustering a quick thank you, I couldn’t help but studying his face. The lines and weariness were prominent. He aged, everyone did, but lots of things weighted his heart down, making him feel tired and on the verge of giving up. 

 

“Nick?”. A rare call from him. He seemed to lighten up when he mentioned my name. He was seriously in need of a talk. 

 

“Sorry, I’m zoned out for a bit.”. I lowered my head and sipped a bit of my wine, let the liquid burn in my throat. I wanted to say a lot of things, borrowed the courage in liquor to disclose my heart. But words were heavy and chained in my stomach. I looked at the floor and closed my eyes for a moment. 

 

“It’s unlike you when I see you so dispirited like this.” 

 

“Then normally, how do you see me?”. ‘We should talk about him, not about me. Get a grip of yourself, Nicholas!’ 

 

“A honest and… cheery person. You’re easily humored and always have the brightest smile.”  He chuckled. “You are pleasant to be around”. His eyes were so blue and free. I couldn’t help but averted my eyes. 

 

“…Thank you, Jay. It means a lot.” I smiled back. He sit back down, no longer leaning against the couch. We faced each other, and talked about trivial things of the day. About the weather and work, about the food and activities… We picked a book and joked immaturely around the details of it. Time last rather long… 

 

I wished we could maintain this atmosphere. Lighthearted and relaxing. A treasured moment between of us. But everything must come to an end. 

 

“Do you want me to talk to Daisy to meet at my house?” 

 

“…,”. He was thinking deeply, and pondered what he should do. He didn’t want to meet her, did he? 

 

“You don’t need to do that. I don’t think it’s necessary…anymore.” 

 

“…why not?” 

 

“Care to go to the pool with me, old sport? I find it rather hot in here.”. He ignored the question, maybe he wanted to have a change of space. 

 

“Of course.”  

 

The chill was almost dissipated. The stars still ever sparkled in the sky. The moon still ever shined high above. We stood on the patio, the same place he started confessing about his past. The warm of the wine enveloped us, protected us from the last remnant of the cold. Both of us looked at the sky and lost the sounds of our words. There was something lurking behind his mouth, preparing to jump out and surprised us both. He needed the time, and I let him. When he was ready, I would listen wholeheartedly. 

 

“Have you ever been in love with someone, Nick?” 

 

When you asked somebody if they loved anyone, you would certainly receive the same question. I wasn’t surprised. 

 

“Yes, I have. A foolish love that could cause me and the other one reach our downfall.” A snippet of my old love, to draw him in. I wanted him to know about my… conditions. He deserved it, a dear friend that already shared his secrets. I hoped he still thought of me highly after this.  

 

“Foolish? How can loving someone be considered foolish?” 

 

My heart was beating loudly, readied to jump out of my chest. 

 

“It’s rather… taboo, as how it’s always looked at by people of this era.” 

 

“…”. He was quiet. He was thinking. A dawn slowly appeared on his face. 

 

“My partner was… a man.” The bomb was dropped and annihilated everything in its explosion radius. A cold drop of sweat rolled down my back. My hands felt numb and kneaded together in my lap. I could only stared at them and take a deep breath. I slowly blinked and let the dread crawl up my spine. I was waiting for his remarks, the inevitable verdict of life sentence. 

 

“That’s an interesting… choice. How was the man, that lover of yours?” 

 

My body was stilled. His question repeatedly zoomed in and through my head. I wasn’t expecting this. I thought he would be disgusted, being a straight man that relentlessly chased after the hem of a woman’s dress. But that would be how I belittled him, although I considered myself a close friend of his. He was kind and understanding, always the pioneer of his age. It was rude if I thought of him as an old-fashioned man. 

 

“…He had a good sense of humor. I always had a good laugh when I was with him.” I gave a small chuckle, and suddenly had a tingle in my gut. I studied Jay’s expression. His mask was hard to break. He pasted a smile, and there was something in his stern eyes, hidden. 

 

“ We did have a good time together. We were happy…”. His face was still expressionless, but it was obviously controlled. Why would he do that? 

 

“ War came. We departed and had never saw each other again. We did promise to send letters. But one day, his letters stopped coming. I kept waiting and waiting, but it was no hope. I wanted to think that he took this chance and moved on, free of pressure from both of our family..., not because of bad fortune the war had brought upon us…” 

 

The silence was resonated off the patio and flowed with the wind, dissolving into the vast open night. I steeled my heart and continued my story. 

 

“… I faced a lot of heated arguments between me and my family. They didn’t want to be in the center of rumors, to have a son of the queers. They criticized me harshly because of the forbidden relationship. But what I could say, I loved him so damn much. I didn’t want to be separated from him. I didn’t want things to end. It was my first love… They were right about one thing though, regardless of my bad situation,…” 

 

I turned back to Jay and stared at him in the eyes. I felt a strange calmness washing over and said clearly, without a slight hesitation. 

 

“First love always ends up in separation.” 

 

We looked at each other and stayed silent. I was the one who broke the eye contact that I felt the need to. We needed some time to think for ourselves. The air buzzed constantly with the storms in our minds. To escape this heavy feeling, I shifted my foot and turned my gaze upwards, taking refuge in the stars. One easily lost themselves in thousands of lights, or lost in the maze of their consciousness.  

 

I glanced to Jay. His arms wound around his torso. A sign of self-consciousness and being deep in thought. What was he thinking? Was it about Daisy? The whole facade was a mess. I just wanted him to quit. Quit remembering her, quit chasing after her, quit destroying his golden shell of a man of good quality, quit torturing his pitiful soul and find a place where he could find a proper home. I wished I was there, together with him. We would build a house, we would raise a garden. He trimmed the greens, I prepared the afternoon tea. We would sit down and enjoy the pretty blazing sunset. We maybe sit in silent, we maybe chatted. We would joke and fool around, waiting for a incoming warm dinner amidst our cozy kitchen. We would find the fun and the happiness in our daily life until the end of our days. A beautiful fantasy,… The delusional imagination. If only that could be real… 

 

Heartfelt conversation always drained people of their vitals. A surprised revelation among that could easily break their heart in half. 

 

“ I don’t think I love Daisy anymore”.  

 

He closed his mouth and licked his lips. The bittersweet taste of revealed secrets and well-thought conclusions. 

 

My mouth agape and my eyes almost fell out of its sockets. I could only stare at him and be dumbfounded. He looked at me and bursted out a hearty laugh. 

 

“…Sorry, it’s just the look on your face…”. He leaned against the railing and gave a shrug after calming down.  

 

“ I bet you want an explanation. You see, I’m in love with someone else.” 

 

A night of surprises it seemed.  

 

“You adore her, you treasure her. After over five long years, you suddenly have a change of heart? Is this person really that important to the point you would gladly forget Daisy?” 

 

He sighed and leaned down a bit on the railing. 

 

“I love Daisy. Loved. I thought she would be the love of my life, forever and always. But things don’t go at your way, do it? Five years are long, people have time to think things over. I did prepare all of this… for her, so I could come back to her with confidence and being rightfully hers… But it seemed I was late. She couldn’t wait, and I lost her forever. She even has a family and a lovely daughter…,” 

 

He struggled to rein it all in, the sheer anger and bitterness, directing at her…and himself. 

 

“And I have nothing, empty handed…” 

 

He closed his eyes, and sealed the hot tears threaten to fall. He didn’t want to show his weak self, but everyone had their own fragile moments. Including me. He didn’t have her, I didn’t have him. His current state was a mirror of myself whenever I was thinking of him in the blank space of my quiet room. Heart shattered into pieces and tears rolled down the cheeks. And you couldn’t do anything. Anything at all. Beside throwing yourself into the ocean of anguish and being on the verge of destruction.  

 

“I thought we would be happy once she left that brute of a man. But she hesitated. She didn’t want to leave, to change… No, she did change. She was not the same person I loved anymore, and she followed her decision, her intuition. To be better without me, the one who will bring storms and hardships to her perfect world. And I, still being stuck in the past and holding it tightly with all I have… Because that…that is all I have…in this painful present.” 

 

Words died down. Silence echoed. Both of us lost in our reflection. The wind blew and the stars shined. Without even a care, even being slightly disturbed by our raging emotions. Only the exterior of our bodies remained, swayed by the pulses and stilled by the self-absorption. 

 

“But the start of this summer, is also the start of things happen differently.” 

 

Breaking my musing, I glanced at Jay curiously, waiting for him to continue. 

 

A quirk in the corner of his mouth. “There is this certain someone who is always by my side whenever I’m in anxiety and in need of help. The one that brings me the laugh I need and frees me from the binds of sorrow…” 

Jay turned to look at me. And I stared back. And I waited... My eyes glassed over and I couldn’t think anymore. 

 

He slowly held his hand out and laid at the side of my neck. My legs were frozen in place and it was burning hot at where he touch to the point of scalding.  

 

“Nick” 

Snapped back to reality, escaping from wandering in dreams. Every syllables weighted my soul down, no longer adrift. 

 

“I think I’m in love with you.” 

 

My tears flowed and flowed, like a dam had been broken. How I longed to hear those words. He pulled me close and hugged me tight, without ever letting go. I lifted my hands and draped them over his back. I closed my eyes, let our heartbeats harmonize and our breathes mix. I felt a tingling sensation at the back of my head. I felt relief. I felt perfect. I felt secured. I felt whole. Everything I ever wanted. To be with Jay. 

 

“I’m sorry, Nick. For being ignorant. I had known about your feelings, but I turned a blind eye to it…” 

 

Jay slowly breathed in, eyes headed forward. He hugged a bit tighter. I could feel his words tickle the skin beneath my ears, could feel his mumbles caught on my shoulder. 

“ I was afraid,… of the prejudice, of abandoning my old love. I just want to hang on that delusional love of mine, because that is the only reason, the meaning of my existence… I have abandoned my family, my real identity, to chase for her love. And now, just look at me, I have nothing left…” 

 

He quieted down, lost in the melancholy of giving up… 

 

“ but you came.” 

 

A smile bloomed on his face. He faced me and I was lost. Lost in his eyes, lost in his genuine affection. 

 

“ When I was lonely, you accompanied me. When I needed someone to consult in, you were always there. When I was sad, you made me laugh. When I was losing all hope, you held me steadily… I am glad I have found you.” 

 

He smiled radiantly and leaned in. I was hesitated, but the moment his lips were on mine, all the rational thoughts disappeared. I was lost in the sensation. Of the sparkling tingles spreading throughout my body. Of the happiness, a confirmation that I should stop looking, because it’d already been here all this time. 

 

The kiss was chaste, but full of feelings we both currently had. My tears had dried and a chuckle escaped my lips. 

 

“…So, what will happen to us?”. I curiously asked him, wondering about the future ahead us. 

 

“ Right now, I just want to have some bacon and eggs for breakfast.” 

 

I laughed out loud. While we had our moments, dawn had broken in and slowly erased the light of stars. We both looked at the rising sun peeking at the horizon. It bathed us in its radiant light and warmed our hearts.  

 

“…I prefer a cup of hot coffee though…” 

 

He laughed and guided us back into the estate. 

 

 “ Sure you do, old sport. Let’s get us some.” 

 

 


End file.
